


Antipodes

by Mira



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-04
Updated: 2010-01-04
Packaged: 2017-10-05 19:18:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mira/pseuds/Mira





	Antipodes

"That's enough," Sir Ian told them, glaring at them whilst Makeup re-grimed his face and hands. "Be off."

And they were off, roaring through the forest glen at high speed, jumping cables, dodging crew. Elijah's high-pitched laugh echoed off rock formations as the four hobbits caromed into each other and collapsed in a pile.

Billy lay flat on his back and stared up at the uttermost blue of the antipodean sky; he was sure he'd never seen that shade back home in Scotland. Next to his head, Sean's leg twitched; Sean leaned forward to massage his calf, so Billy rolled onto his stomach and added his hands to the effort.

"It's hard, being this big," Sean said shyly. Billy had heard him complain to Elijah often enough to already know this, also that Sean used to run marathons. He'd seen pictures of a younger, very trim Sean; he understood, so he said nothing, just dug his fingers into Sean's cramping muscles.

Elijah jumped up and slapped Dom's shoulder, then raced away. Dom growled and leapt after him, and they were off again. Billy shook his head.

"I wish I had half their energy," Sean said, staring after them. Staring after Elijah, really; Billy had seen that, too. Well, he was no better, was he. "We're a fine pair."

He looked up curiously. "We are? Because they're always leavin' us behind?"

Sean finally tore his gaze away from Elijah's disappearing back and looked at Billy. He was a little pink in the face, whether from exertion or embarrassment, Billy didn't know. "Yeah, that. And because they've got each other." He turned even redder and pulled his leg away. "Thanks. I'm fine."

Billy collapsed back into the scuffed pine needles, resting his face on his hands. Sean was right. They were a fine pair of fools. He was a fool of Took indeed. He closed his eyes, but there was no time for a nap; the hobbits were being called back. He helped Sean up and they dusted each other off as Elijah and Dom raced back, huffing and bumping into each other.

The body language of the hobbits, Billy knew, screamed an intimacy beyond casual friendship. And indeed that was true; he'd never had friends like these. "Amazin'," he finally told his sister after failing to explain what had sprung up among the four of them. "You'll see when ya come out." And she had, but more than Billy ever hoped her to; her scolding still rang in his ears weeks later.

"Don't ya break yer heart, now," she'd told him, hugging him fiercely at the Wellington airport. "I'll pick up the pieces no matter what, but William, oh, William, can't you love someone possible?"

Possible, impossible. What did that mean in New Zealand, where all things appeared possible? A broken heart, his head told him; his sister was right. She'd be picking up the pieces for years to come.

He watched Sean a lot these days, because he'd recognized himself in Sean's broad brown face. The devotion for Frodo that shone out so poignantly was matched in real life off the set. Billy's heart ached for Sean nearly as much as it did for himself. No, we'll never get over this movie, he thought, before arranging his features into Pippin's innocent mischief. We're both old enough to know better, and too insanely in love to care.

"Pippin!" his Merry cried, and they seized each other's hands, beaming. Dom was so fully Merry at those moments that Billy thought it was true, that they really were cousins who'd known each other literally all their lives, that every moment of Merry's life and every thought in his head was known to him. But no, that couldn't be the case. In the book, Merry and Pippin were a couple, the way Frodo and Sam were. Something had gone wrong in the translation.

Something had gone wrong.

Weeks later, when the weather had gone from cool to cold, they stayed together in a house in the suburbs of Christchurch, a boring city with little nightlife to interest them. Billy sat with Sean on the couch and watched Elijah and Dom try to crash into each other's cars on the PlayStation; the noise was loud and realistic, and the two men shouted over the roaring engines and dinging fenders as they grappled with their controllers.

Billy and Sean just watched, sitting side by side, their shoulders touching. Billy could feel the heat roil off Sean; the house was overheated, its air dry and full of static electricity. It felt like a storm was coming. Billy sighed and rested his head against Sean's shoulder, who put his arm around Billy and squeezed him lightly.

After one spectacular crash, Elijah shouted in frustration and seized Dom's controller; they began to wrestle fiercely for it, laughing hysterically. Billy watched as Dom rolled on top of Elijah, their hands stretched over their heads whilst Elijah tried to keep the controller from him, but Dom's arms were longer and he had firm hold of Elijah's wrists. They stared at each other, suddenly silent, the light from the monitor flickering over them in the hot, dark house.

Billy felt Sean tremble, and he turned to put his arms around him. Their faces slid together, and Sean whispered, "I can't watch this. Billy, I cannot watch this." Abruptly, he stood; Billy followed him around the couch and out the front door.

It was bitterly cold out, their breath condensing in white streamers. Sean jogged heavily away from the house, Billy a few steps behind him, stopping long enough to quietly close the door behind them. But Sean didn't go far, not even two houses down the street, when he crashed into a pin oak and put his face to its trunk.

"Hey, here," Billy said, feeling inadequate. He wished he'd grabbed his jacket; already he was shaking with cold.

"I can't watch that," Sean said again, but he turned at Billy's insistent tug and hung onto him instead of the tree.

"I know, I know," Billy told him. I feel the same way, he thought, but just then the front door opened and Elijah stepped out.

"Sean!" he shouted, and took a step down. Dom appeared behind him.

"Shhh," he said. "You'll wake the neighbours."

"Where's Sean? Where'd he go?" He wrapped his arms across his chest, tucking his hands under his arms. "Dom, where is he?"

"I dunno," Dom said, and wrapped his arms on top of Elijah's, hugging him from behind, putting his head into the crook of his neck. "Come back inside, Doodle."

"It's so cold. Where is he?" Elijah whispered, his clear voice carrying on the icy air. Dom turned him so they faced each other, and they stared into each other's eyes.

"I can't watch this," Sean gasped again, and Billy turned him so they also faced each other, and rested his cheek against Sean's. Sean was breathing jerkily, his arms goosepimpled and shaking, his whole body shaking in Billy's grasp. He exhaled heavily, and Billy felt wetness against his face; Sean was crying. He put his hand on the back of Sean's head and pressed him against his shoulder, not letting him watch Dom and Elijah.

But Billy watched. Watched as Dom carefully tilted his head and gently, tenderly, kissed Elijah's mouth. Watched as Elijah's hands slid up Dom's chest to his shoulders and then around his back and then they were clutching each other, kissing as though kissing were breathing. Dom pulled Elijah into the house; for an instant they were silhouetted against the flashing PlayStation lights, two slight, young figures entwined, and then the door shut on Billy and Sean.

Billy was crying, too, he discovered. He let go of Sean to wipe his face, but Sean grabbed him, staring into his eyes. For a moment, he couldn't breathe: the air was too cold, too charged, too much, and then Sean kissed him, his lips soft but insistent, his tongue licking at Billy's lips, and Billy opened his mouth to Sean.

"It's too cold," he panted between kisses. "T'is too bluidy cold for this, Sean."

"I can't go back. What if they're --" and he kissed Billy again, holding him tightly. "Stay with me, please; I'll keep you warm."

But that was lie; Sean was shaking as hard as Billy, despite the kisses, despite their embrace. "Through the window," he said, and tugged at Sean's hand. "M'window's open; y'know I'm a fresh-air fiend."

They went around to the back of the dark house. Billy's window was open, so they carefully pried off the screen and then Sean boosted him up. "Be quiet, be quiet," he whispered, but Billy was pretty sure neither Dom nor Elijah would be listening for anything right now. When he was inside, he leaned back out and grabbed Sean's hands, holding on whilst he scrabbled up the side of the house and fell in the window.

"I thought ya said to be quiet," Billy laughed, struggling to keep Sean from falling on his head.

"Next time, get a room with a sliding glass door, okay?"

At last they were in, still nearly frozen, and now bruised from their clamber into the house. For an awkward moment they stood there, and then Billy said, "Take off yer shoes and, uh, jeans. We'll get warmer faster in bed." He sounded amazingly calm, he thought, despite the fact he was shaking like a leaf in a high wind.

He kicked off his trainers and unzipped his jeans, then shoved into Sean. "Hurry, I'm bluidy freezin' here."

Sean carefully untied the laces of his own trainers and set them side by side under a chair, then removed and folded his jeans. He was big, Billy thought, but still a handsome man; he would always be a handsome man. He took Sean's hands again and led him to bed. The sheets were icy and they both gasped as they lay down, rolling into each other for warmth.

"Thank you, Billy," Sean whispered, kissing Billy's forehead and temple.

"Ya big pillock," Billy whispered back, and kissed Sean's lips. Sean rolled right on top of him, and he welcomed the weight and the heat.

"You saved my life," Sean breathed, stroking Billy's face as he fit his legs around Billy's.

"Overly dramatic, Astin. Tone it down." But Billy was smiling so hard he thought his heart would break. Sean began kissing him again, and they rocked against each other, holding the world at bay. When Billy finally reached down to touch Sean's cock with his hand, he jerked as if to flee, but Billy seized him firmly and they laughed. "Do you think they, that they're," Sean tried to say, but Billy began to stroke him.

Thinking of the rhythmic knocking against his wall last night, Billy said, "No, no. Do ya like this then?" And he slid Sean's pants down so he could reach his balls and roll them in his hand whilst he pumped Sean's cock.

"Oh christ, who doesn't?" Sean murmured, and then began kissing Billy, and finally touched him, too. "You feel so hot, so good," he said, and they pressed together tightly, so that Billy's wrists were at awkward angles, but it all felt so good that he didn't care. And that's what this was about, right? he asked himself. He didn't fucking care what anyone else was doing, only that Sean had hold of his cock and kept on kissing him. "Turn around," Sean said. "I want, you know, to," and then he slid down Billy's body and put his warm moist mouth right where Billy wanted it. He cried out in surprise, and then tugged at Sean's hips and legs until he could do the same.

The bedroom grew warmer, and Billy began to sweat. I won't break my heart, he told himself, as long as I can have this. When Sean came in his mouth, he swallowed as best he could, listening to Sean's muffled cries, and then he came and it was lovely, to feel Sean's slippery mouth around him. When Sean crawled up from the bottom of the bed, his hair was curlier than ever and he had Billy's come smeared on his lips and chin. "Here now," Billy said, and wiped his face with a corner of the sheet before kissing him fiercely. He never would have expected that, not in a million years, but he was glad Sean was in his bed, and he was glad he'd been there for Sean, that neither of them had had to watch Dom and Elijah by himself.

Sean hugged him and Billy realized Sean was close to tears again, so he stroked and patted his back, kissing his face and shoulder. "I'm married," Sean finally said, swallowing hard and wiping his nose on the back of his hand. "I shouldn't be here with you."

"Shut up, ya eejit," Billy told him. "Have ya no sense? What would I do without ya? Lie here and listen to them?"

"Oh, christ, Billy, I'm so sorry. Of course not, of course not." Billy knew he could trust Sean's overactive conscience.

"Then go to sleep, now. We've Feet in too few hours."

"Thank you. Really. Thank you." He kissed Billy again. "It'll get better. Easier. We'll be okay."

"'Course we will." To his surprise, Billy yawned hugely. "G'night, Seanie."

"Good night, William."

William. Billy opened his eyes at that, but Sean's were closed and he already looked half asleep. He wrapped his arms more firmly around Sean. It hurt like fuck, but not quite as much as when he was alone.

That was the first time he slept with Sean.

Sean really was married, really was very married, and spent most of his evenings and nights with his family. But some days were harder than others, on both Billy and Sean, and he would find Billy, his sad puppy eyes tracking Billy across the set, like the big girl's blouse he was. But Billy was feeling it, too, so he was a wally as well. Fuck it all.

He stood up and marched over to Sean. "Oy, Samwise. Meet up for a pint tonight?"

Sean looked so relieved it almost hurt Billy to watch him. "Yeah, that would be, yeah. Thank you."

Elijah, Dom, Orlando, and even Viggo and Bean met that night, at some crowded smoky pub, which hadn't been what Billy had in mind when he'd asked Sean, but they couldn't very well go elsewhere. They sat next to each other, Sean rocking back in his chair, watching Dom and Elijah giggle together. Bean and Viggo discussed Macbeth, and Billy wanted to join in, but Sean kept staring at Dom and Elijah, and it seemed unkind to leave him suffering, despite his girly behaviour. Stupid sod, Billy thought, sipping his beer, wondering why the fuck he was pitying Sean for the same behaviour he was engaged in. Just not as obviously, he hoped.

"How's Christine?" he finally asked under the noise.

Sean grimaced. "Wants me home," he admitted, setting his mug down. "Where I should be, except I'm such a, a. Well, such a _wanker_."

Billy grinned at him. "Yeah, that ch'are, boyo. But so's me, so there ya go. Two fools." He paused, and bit his lip, no longer smiling, then leaned toward Sean to speak directly into his ear. "Two fools in love with the wrong people at the wrong time."

Sean closed his eyes, but nodded. "How can this be the best time of my life and the worst time, all at once?"

Billy shrugged, and drank deeply. Not a clue had he, that was for certain. "Wee bit late to worry about that," he finally said. "What's done is done, and this was done auld lang syne."

"That it was," Sean said in his Sam accent, nodding again. "We're fucked, aren't we, William."

"Through and through." He slammed down the empty mug and rose. "Speaking of which. Come home with me, Seanie, would ya now?"

Sean looked up at him, tears glistening in his eyes. So American he was, Billy thought. Over earnest, lacking irony, wearing his heart on his sleeve. And Billy loved him, not the way he loved Dom; he doubted he'd ever love like that again, but he truly did love Sean, and did pity him his pain. Sean finished his beer and sat up, thumping the chair legs down. "Yeah. I'd really like that." He tossed down some money to cover their bill, nodded at Viggo and Bean, and they left. Billy thought Viggo was watching them as covertly as Strider had; Orlando was more open about his interest, and they'd probably hear from him in the morning.

But tonight it was just Sean and he. At the door, they simultaneously turned to glance back. Dom had his arm around Elijah; their heads were close together. Elijah's hand was on Dom's knee, fingers gently stroking his jeans. They looked utterly alone in the crowded noisy pub, isolated in their focus on each other. They looked, Billy thought, in love.

He turned and grabbed Sean's hand. "Come on, ya tosser. I've got plans for ya tonight."

Sean smiled weakly at him, gratitude again shining from his eyes. Tonight, Billy decided, Sean was going to fuck him. He was pretty sure that Sean had never done that before, but Billy was going to change all that. If he was that miserable about Elijah, miserable enough to avoid going home to his wife, well, a good hard shag ought to help, at least for a bit.

He was right; Sean had never fucked a bloke before, and had to be walked through it, but that was good. In his usual overly-conscientious manner, he was thorough and thoughtful and did a bang-up job, Billy thought, lying back and letting Sean do all the work. He liked Sean's bulk over him, watching his face, eyes screwed shut, sweat trickling down his forehead, grunting softly with each thrust.

Billy was sweating, too, and gasping for breath each time Sean pulled back. Each push into Billy's body sent an electric shock through him; Sean was a big guy all over, and he'd maybe have a bit of trouble sitting tomorrow. But that would remind him of tonight, keep his mind off why he was getting fucked by Sean and not Dom, as he truly wished. "Oh, fucking christ," Sean groaned, clutching Billy's shoulders. He dropped his head, but Billy whispered, "Let me see ya, Seanie, I want to see yer face." He raised his head enough to stare into Billy's eyes, then closed his. He looked absolutely in pain as he froze, and then cried, "Oh, oh, oh," shuddering, and gently lay on top of Billy, letting him take his weight.

"Your turn," he said when he'd recovered a bit. As always, Sean's sense of fair play kicked in. "Do you want to, uh, do that to me? I've never, you know, but Billy . . . "

"Nay," Billy told him, kissing his sweaty face. "Blow me, would ya do that for me?"

"Oh god, I love it," Sean said, and then turned bright red. Billy hugged him tightly. He liked sucking cock, too, and was grateful that Sean had taken to it like a duck to water. Sean scooted down his body and licked at Billy's stomach before running his tongue up his cock, slicking it up. He did indeed love this; Billy could tell by the enthusiasm with which he applied himself to it, and god, but it was good.

When they lay together in bed, comfortable and relaxed, Billy stroked the curls off Sean's forehead, kissing his cheek tenderly. "Thanks," he whispered. Sean blushed yet again, but kissed him back.

"Thank you. This was a, well, a brilliant idea."

"Feckin' brilliant," Billy corrected him.

"A feckin' brilliant idea," Sean agreed, and nuzzled into Billy's ticklish neck. They wriggled together until all their elbows and knees fit just right. Billy felt safe, protected, loved. And his arse throbbed pleasantly; he clenched the muscles just to feel the warm buzz where Sean had so recently spent himself.

That was the second time they slept together.

Christine took Ali home to the States for a long visit. Billy didn't ask him about that, if he or maybe Elijah were part of the reason, because it didn't really matter. Sean's marriage was private, and Billy knew that no one could see into any marriage; they were impermeable from the outside. Sean seemed lonely, though; he genuinely loved Christine, Billy knew, and he adored his darling daughter and spoke of her often.

But he also spent more time with the other hobbits, much of it with Billy, trying not to stare enviously at Dom and Elijah.

Billy knew how he felt. Day after day, he spent fifteen, sixteen, maybe eighteen hours at Dom's side, being young foolish Pippin to Dom's older wiser Merry, and all the time wanting more than either Merry or Dom could give. It was sheer bloody hell, and one night he woke up his sister, drunk and crying into her ear.

She listened patiently; he could feel her concern and love seep through the thousands of miles of telephone line, comforting him. Even though he was being an arsehole, she still loved him; forgave him without saying a word about it. He wiped his eyes and blew his nose. "Ya ashamed of me, then?" he asked her, his voice a bit hoarse.

"Oh, William," she sighed. "I wish ya were here, or that I were there with ya. Of course I'm not ashamed of ya. I couldn't be, no matter what. We cannae help where our hearts go; ya know that."

"God, but I'm sick of it, sick of _me_. I'm sick of moonin' after him, of bein' jealous of Elijah, who's a fine man, he really is, and deserves only happiness. I don't want to be this person."

"Yes, ya do," she told him firmly. "Now, here's what ya do. Go wash yer face and have a nice cuppa, and write me a letter. I want ya to write me a bittie every day, about what yeh're doin' and feelin'. And if every other word is Dom, Dom, Dom, that's all right. And ya post that letter once a week. Will ya do that for me, William?"

"There's somethin' else, first, that ya need to know," he whispered. He was going to tell her; he had to. She deserved to know. "And ya will be ashamed o' me now."

"Oh, love, I keep tellin' ya, no. But what is it that's got ya all in a pother?"

"It's Sean. Sam, ya know? Ya watched Rudy like I tol' ya to, right then? That's Sean. He, I. Oh, it's shite, I know, but I'm sort of with him. Because I can't have Dom. It's _shite_, I tell ya."

"Does this Sean know? About Dom?"

"Yeah, he knows. He's kind of the same, but for someone else."

"Oh, William, I'm so, so sorry. Is he good to ya?"

"He's a grand fella."

She sighed, and he heard her shift in her seat, the clunky old couch in her lounge. "William, he's marrit."

"I know," he whispered to her.

"Yeh're that miserable, that yeh're with a marrit man."

"Aye." He waited patiently for her verdict, closing his swollen eyes.

At last she said, "Oh, ma boy. I miss ya so verra much. I wish I could put ma arms around ya."

"I love ya."

"Ya know I love ya, too. Take care of yerself, for me, will ya now? And if this Sean can help ya, then let him, William. I'm sorrier than I can say. And I think that yer Dom is a fool, an effin' fool."

Billy smiled into the phone. "We're all of us fools, every last one of us."

"I'm still wantin' those letters. I'll be waitin' for them."

She got her letters, every week, just as she asked, and sure enough, almost every other word was Dom, Dom, Dom. But sometimes Billy wrote about Sean, and even about Elijah, and writing helped a wee bit. When he watched Dom and Elijah, he was writing about them in his head, describing them to his sister. He liked to picture her reading the letters back home, imagining her brother in this strange new world, that had such people in't. The writing distanced him, too, made him more an observer and less a participant, and that eased the pain.

He told Sean about the letters one night, lying in bed. Dom and Elijah were off somewhere; they'd sneaked off, somehow managing to get through Feet and Wardrobe faster than anyone else. Sean and Billy had been left staring at each other in the oddly silent set, without their hobbit partners to kick up a ruckus. "Dinner?" Sean had asked, and Billy had nodded, guiltily grateful yet again that Sean was sharing the pain.

Later, in bed, Sean had asked Billy to fuck him, which he'd done with pleasure. He thought Sean had enjoyed it, too, as much as anyone did the first time. "T'is the very pain, innit," Billy told him, kissing his temple and ear.

"It really wasn't bad. Nothing like I thought it might be. But yet," and his big red face turned even redder, "in some ways the pain itself was kind of, kind of. Exciting." He swallowed. "Not that I want you to hurt me," he added.

"Ooh, spank me, big guy," Billy said in as New York an accent as he could manage; not as good as Dom's but funny enough to make Sean snort, and smack his bot through the sheets.

"With pleasure," he said, and then pulled Billy close to him.

"I write me sister about ya," Billy blurted out, and lay his head down, peeking out at Sean from under his lashes.

Sean rolled his head to one side so he was looking into Billy's face. "About me? About this?" Billy nodded. "Wow. What does she, I mean, can I ask what she thinks?"

"She says she's grateful to ya, that I have ya. Not that I really do," he quickly said, not wanting to bring Christine's name into their bed, but neither wanting to appear to claim Sean as his own.

"No, no. You have me all right. You're not second best, Billy. Not at all."

"Nor are you, Seanie." They gazed at each other, and Billy was certain that Sean was thinking, as he was, that they were second choices, but not second best.

"It's pretty awful, though. Not this, not being with you, but how we got together. You deserve a helluva lot more, William." To Billy's dismay, Sean teared up yet again. "You deserve more than I can ever give you."

"Shh, shh. We both do, y'know? Everbody does."

Sean sniffed and rubbed his nose. "Yeah. I guess so. I mean, I know you're right. But I feel guilty no matter what I do."

"Don't." He kissed Sean tenderly, trying to persuade with his body what he knew words never would. "Ma sister says to be happy wi' what I have, and not be longin' after what I cannae have."

Sean kissed him back and wrapped his arms around Billy's shoulders. "Your sister is a wise woman. We should take her advice. Tell her I said so."

Billy mmmed into Sean's mouth, but later he remembered to write that down for her.

The day came that Sean and Elijah were to be separated from Billy and Dom. The four of them went out to a solemn farewell dinner that night; Elijah only played with his food, despite Sean's and Dom's encouragement to eat more. They all, as they did so often, drank too much, and took a cab back to Dom's place.

Billy wasn't sure why he and Sean hadn't buggered off; clearly that's what they should do. But Dom had invited them, and Elijah chimed in, so the four of them went. Billy promised himself that the minute Dom and Elijah started snogging, he and Sean would be out the door; not for anything would he stay to watch that. He was finally going to have Dom to himself for a few weeks, and he didn't want to have that image in his brain the entire time.

They didn't snog, although they did sit together on the couch and look meaningfully at their guests. Billy and Sean glanced at each other; Sean's expressive face was crinkled up in a puzzled frown, and Billy knew he must look similar. "Is there no drink, then?" he finally asked, and Dom jumped up.

"I'm an idiot," he said. "Yeah, of course. What's yer poison?"

"Got any diet coke?" Sean asked. Billy rolled his eyes, but he supposed it was a good idea.

"None o' that diet shite for me, but a coke, yeah, would be good. Or lemonade, if ya got any."

Dom came back carrying frosty cans for them to pop open, and it did taste good, cooling, as he glugged it down. There were more significant looks between Dom and Elijah, though, and he was tired, more than a bit drunk, and half aroused by Dom's and Sean's presence. "What is up with ya fuckers?" he finally asked, setting his coke down firmly.

"We know," Elijah blurted, then blushed, his red face making his enormous blue eyes seem even larger and bluer.

"Well, tha's fine. What d'ya know?"

Dom took Elijah's hand. "We know that you two, uh, are. Together. Like that."

Billy rolled his eyes. "Good for ya both. Do we have yer blessin' then?"

Next to him, Sean shifted uncomfortably, and Billy knew without looking that he'd be scarlet with embarrassment. But he remained silent, although he scooted a bit closer to Billy. Billy put his hand on Sean's knee, mirroring Elijah's on Dom. Dom's eyes followed his hand.

"Yeah," he finally said. "You do. We love you both."

Sean put a hand to his eyes and shuddered; Billy couldn't tell if he was laughing or crying at the poor fools. All of them fools, he had told his sister, and bleedin' christ but it was true. He moved his hand from Sean's knee to give him a one-armed hug. "Let's go, Sean," he whispered. Sean rose, pulling Billy up with him.

"Thanks," he said shortly, and they left, Dom and Elijah still sitting together watching them.

"What the fuck was that about?" Sean wondered when they were back on the street, walking toward Billy's place.

"Not a fuckin' clue," Billy told him, shaking his head. "Do ya think they know how we, um. Why we."

"Why we got together?" Sean shook his head and to Billy's surprise started to laugh. He couldn't help but join in. "William," Sean said at last, stopping and turning to face Billy. "I don't care why or how we got together. I'm so grateful to you. You've taught me so much, and I don't just mean about sex. I really do love you." He paused, and then added, "Ya wanker."

Billy smacked his shoulder, hard enough to hurt but gently enough to let him know that he, too, was loved. "I have to ask ya this, Sean. If Elijah were to, y'know, come to ya. And. If he were to come to ya, I hope ya'd, ah, be with him."

Sean walked quietly for a long while, obviously deep in thought. He sighed heavily several times, and at last said, "Yeah. I would. I mean it, Billy, you are _not_ second best. But my heart -- Elijah is my heart." They continued in silence for nearly a minute before he said, "And if Dom came to you? Would you?"

Billy didn't have to think. "I love him. I have since the minute we met. I'd been so nervous, y'know, waitin' and waitin' to meet him, and then." He didn't say anything more because Sean was nodding.

"Exactly. That's exactly how it was for me with Elijah. There are just some things that are meant to be."

"Except apparently not."

"Yeah. I guess not." They sighed in unison.

"Spend the night wi' me?"

Sean slid his arm around Billy's waist; it was late, no one was about, no one would see. "I was hoping you'd ask me." He kissed Billy's neck, right in that ticklish spot, and Billy wriggled in his arms, more turned on than he wanted to admit. "I'm gonna miss you so much."

And Billy missed him. They spoke by phone, but not often -- it wasn't easy, with Christine in the background. She usually answered, and Billy always chatted with her for a few minutes, but he was hard pressed to come up with conversation when all he wanted was to hear Sean's voice. He spoke honestly to Sean, telling him how difficult it was to be with Dom every minute of the day and late into the night, but not be able to go home with him. Sean couldn't really respond, but he'd hmm and uh-hmm and say, god, yeah, me, too, William, and Billy knew that he was having the same feelings, the same difficulty.

Well, fuck it all to hell. T'was just the way life worked. He continued to write his sister, a few words each night, and post the letter weekly. Still full of Dom, Dom, Dom, but a lot of Sean, too, and even some of Elijah, but also the work he was doing, the elaborate sets, the training, and best of all the beauty of New Zealand. Come out, he wrote every week. Please, come out.

One night, at the end of the first month separated from the other hobbits, Billy was already in bed and half asleep when someone knocked softly on his hotel room door: Dom, in blue jeans and a half-buttoned plaid shirt, his hair wild, and looking miserable. "I'm sorry, Bills," he said, and Billy saw his eyes were red. He opened the door wider so Dom could come in.

Dom hugged him tightly, and rested his head on Billy's shoulder. Billy hugged him back; he felt so good in his arms, so right. Just the right size for Billy, and British, so he sounded more like home than Sean could even with his hobbit accent. He even smelled like home, maybe the soap or shampoo he used, but whatever, Billy held on, grateful for the opportunity, even as he was sorry for Dom's unhappiness.

At last Dom let him go, sniffing. "Ta, Bills. Bit much this late, I reckon."

"Don't be an arse, Dom. What is it, what can I do for ya?"

"Don't be mad at me, Bill, but can I lie down with you? I'm so tired, and I don't want to be alone."

Billy led the way to his bedroom and pulled back the covers, straightening them out. Get in, he said silently, nodding at the bed. Dom hesitated, then pulled off his jeans, revealing the boxers Billy knew he slept in, and crawled into the bed. Billy turned off the light and got in after him, pulling the covers over them both and rolling to face him. "Tell me," he said quietly.

Dom put his arms around Billy again. "I miss him," he whispered, shivering. Billy hugged him, trying to warm him up.

"I know, I know," he soothed. "It's always hard to be away from the ones ya love."

"Do you miss Sean that way?" Dom asked, curling up so his knees were near Billy's stomach.

Billy thought about that. He did miss Sean, quite a lot. But he was pretty sure he didn't miss him the way Dom missed Elijah. "I'm not sure," he finally admitted. "I do miss him. He's a fine man, and we've had good times. The best."

"Yeah. The best," Dom whispered, sounding forlorn. "We were so surprised when we figured it out. You guys were good together. I was kind of jealous, you know, when. Well. You know."

"Jealous?" Billy felt his stomach turn over. "Why would ya be jealous? Of Sean, ya mean?"

"Well. You know. You're kind of mine, and Sean's kind of Elijah's."

"How d'ya figure that? Yeh're with Elijah."

"Yeah, but. It's just the books, and everybody thought, you know, because we spend so much time together, that it was us, you and me, and I guess I kind of thought that, too. That you'd be mine."

Billy shut his eyes against the words. "Dominic. What are ya tellin' me? Yers in what way? Ya know that I love ya," he said quickly. Might as well get that out; Dom could interpret it however he wished.

"I know. I'm sorry. It's selfish. Elijah and I are both selfish. We just wanted it all. Each other and you and Sean, too."

"There's no bed big enough for four."

"No, not like that. Well, not entirely like that." He snuggled up to Billy, and yawned, his breath warm against Billy's ticklish neck. He tried to hold still, and remembered Sean kissing him there whilst touching his body. His cock jerked in his pyjama bottoms.

"God, Dom," he breathed. "I can't hear this. I just cannae. Don't hurt me anymore than ya already have."

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I've always been so sorry."

"Go to sleep, Dommie," he said, but it was too late; Dom was already asleep. Billy lay awake for a long time, wondering if Elijah was in bed with Sean and, if so, how he felt about that. He studied Dom, barely visible in the faint light seeping in through the curtains. "Fuckin' hobbits," he sighed, and closed his eyes, trying not to disturb his unexpected bed partner.

Dom was a cuddler, he discovered, waking at the blaring alarm to find him entwined around Billy. It felt good, too; he and Sean got to share so few nights, and there had been no one else his entire time in New Zealand. Now, at last, here was Dom in his bed, clinging to him, barely roused by the alarm. "Time to get up," he said, shaking Dom's shoulder.

When Dom finally woke, he was embarrassed and awkward about spending the night with Billy. "T'was nothin," Billy told him again and again. "I was grateful. Yeh're warm, and I'm lonely. Just two friends, aye? No harm in that."

But Dom didn't seem to agree, so Billy figured that would be the end of it. But it wasn't. Late the next night, Dom came to his door again, but the third night, he just came straight to Billy's room. "Can I move in with you?" he asked.

Billy sat down on the couch, head in his hands. "What is goin' on?" he asked. "Why are ya doin' this?"

Dom sat down on the coffee table before him and took Billy's hands in his own, pulling them away from his face. "Bills. I'm sorry. I don't know how to tell you this. But I. Elijah and I. See, it's you, Bill. It was always you. But you were with Sean, and Elijah and I, we just . I'm sorry, Bill. I'm so sorry."

"Wait a minute." Billy sat up straighter. "Are ya tellin' me that you and Elijah aren't together? Did ya break up? Were ya ever together?"

"Yeah, well, yeah. I love Elijah. We did a lot of stuff together. But we was just goofin' around, Billy. He's a great guy, I love him, like I said, but he's crazy about Sean. Can't stop talkin' about him. And I'm crazy about you. Billy, please. I'm sorry, I'll go if you tell me to, but I really want to stay. And. You know. Be. With you."

Billy stared at him in disbelief. He thought, I should be really angry. I should toss this wanker out. I should phone Sean and ask him what to do.

"I'm a fookin' eejit," he finally said. "You and Elijah. You two were kissin' and foolin' around long before Sean and I got together. I _heard_ ya, Dom. I was in the room next door and I could hear ya bonking, right through the wall. Don't be tellin' me ya turned to him because I was with Sean. Because that's a bluidy lie, and I won't be lied to. Not about this."

"Yeah, we were doin' it, Billy, yeah, but jesus, I'm a young guy and Lij is even younger. We're away from home. It was amazing. We did all kinds of things."

"You love him."

"I do."

"You are in love with him."

"I thought I was."

"What happened?"

"You happened, Bill. You. Every day, hour after hour, I work with you, and you're amazing. You're professional, and fun, and can practically read my mind. We're like two halves, except I didn't even know I wasn't whole until I met you. You can't not love me, Bills, you just can't."

"That night, in Christchurch. When we were stayin' together. Ya couldn't keep yer hands off him. Sean and I ran away, but we saw ya kiss him. I saw ya, Dom. You. Kissed. Elijah."

Dom dropped his eyes. "Is that a crime? Wouldn't you kiss him, if you had the opportunity? He's beautiful and funny and smart and has more talent in his little finger than I have in my whole body, and he was just there, so sad, looking for Sean, and yeah. Fuck, yeah, I kissed him." He looked up at Billy. "But now I want to kiss you. Will you let me?"

Billy studied him thoughtfully. Dom was right; he was young. For all his experience in television and even the movie in France, he was still a kid far from home. And Billy loved him. Hadn't he been writing his sister for months now? Hadn't he cried on the phone to her, and in Sean's arms, and alone in his bedroom? What a pussy he was. And now here was Dom, staring earnestly at him, asking for what Billy longed to give him.

"Come here, ya eejit," he said, and held out his arms. Dom awkwardly came to him, sitting in his lap, putting his arms around Billy's shoulders. "I love ya more than I have sense," he told him. "And if ya fuck around on me, Dom, I don't know what I'll do to ya, but it won't be pretty. I'm straight wi' ya. I love Elijah, and I love Sean, but I won't be kissin' either of them if yeh're in ma bed. Do ya understand me?"

Dom kissed him, pressed his lips against Billy's and his weight felt good, the weight of his body and the weight of his love for Billy. "I do," he whispered, and kissed him again, nuzzling Billy's lips until he opened them. "Please let's go to bed."

Billy sighed, deeply satisfied. He'd call Sean tomorrow and tell him everything; they were off, he was with Dom, Elijah loved him. Maybe Elijah was with Sean tonight; that would be perfect, feckin' brilliant. He'd find out tomorrow though. Tonight he would be with Dom. "To bed, then, lad," he agreed, and Dom slid off his lap and helped him stand up. Then Dom fell to his knees and put his face between Billy's legs, breathing deeply. Billy's cock rose instantly, pressing hard against his jeans; Dom cupped it with his hands and exhaled through the fabric. "Let me, let me," he murmured, and unzipped Billy, pulling his cock out through the opening of his pants and licking at it. Billy remembered Sean licking it, learning to love cock, and now here was Dom. He stroked Dom's hair and watched in silence as he began to suck his cock. He couldn't close his eyes for this; he wanted to watch Dom's cheeks hollow and fill, see the saliva glisten on his lips; he wanted to hear the obscene sounds Dom was making, and oh, so was he, so was he.

"I'm gonna come right down yer throat," he rasped out, and did, while Dom sucked harder, sucking him right down. "Fuck," Billy groaned. Dom gently pushed his face into Billy's pubic hair and let his softening cock slip from his mouth.

"That was so good," Dom murmured, and Billy stroked his hair again.

"Aye, t'was that, and more," he agreed. "Now to bed. There are things I want to do to yer body."

Dom stood and stretched, revealing his stomach when he raised his arms above his head. He was smiling, his lips swollen and his cheeks red. "I love you," he said shyly, and Billy put his arms around Dom's waist, squeezing tightly, lifting him onto his toes.

"Oh, Dom. If ya only knew. If ya only knew how much I love ya, there'd never be a worry in yer head again, I swear." Dom dropped his arms over Billy's shoulders and kissed his neck, as certainly as if Sean had told him where. "Will ya be a good boy?" Billy whispered. "Ya broke my heart once; will ya do it again?"

"God, I'm sorry," Dom said, and lay his head on Billy's shoulder, rubbing his cheek against Billy's. "I'll be good to you, Billy. Let me be good to you."

"Yeh've made a fine start," he said, and tugged at Dom to follow him into the bedroom.

Tomorrow he'd call Sean, he promised himself. And he'd call Elijah. And then he'd call his sister. It might not be happily-ever-after; it probably wasn't. Dom was young, he was horny, he was lonely, and only Billy was here. But maybe it was true. Maybe good things were happening, had been happening. We can't help where our hearts go, his sister had told him, and it was true. His heart was here. Right here, in his arms and in his bed, his heart was here.

* * *

Posted May 30, 2007


End file.
